I basically couldn’t be more uncomfortable than I am right this second. But thankfully, I have something to distract me. An ALOHA protein bar. I’m going to write an Aloha protein bar for you right now. That’s going to take my mind off all this horrid cramping going on in my neck and buttocks. And to think that I paid three hundred bucks for this flight. Unbelievable. When is Elon Musk’s super-train coming out? I’ll seriously be the first person in line. But anyways. Let’s use the power of the mind and talk about this little aqua blue/green protein bar sitting in my lap. Well. At this point it’s just a wrapper. But it was a peanut butter chocolate chip Aloha protein bar. Over the next few paragraphs I’ll tell you if it’s good, bad or somewhere in between. I’ll discuss the Aloha bar taste, ingredients, nutrition facts, and of course packaging before finishing up with a final review summary where we’ll take ALL that info, crunch it into one little package, and churn out the verdict. So. Are Aloha bars any good? Let’s find out in this fantastical Aloha protein bar review.
I feel like I’m sitting on rocks. Check that. I feel like I’ve been sitting on rocks for hours on end. Are you sick of my complaining yet? I thought so. I am too. Let’s suck it up here Allie. Deep breath. Ok. SO. Let me start by saying I was absolutely FAMISHED when I plucked the Aloha bar out of my backpack and crammed it into my mouth. I was planning on saving it until at LEAST I was halfway through my flight. Of course that little, er, snafu when Aloha had to recall all their protein powder last winter for having some bad stuff in them was in the back of my mind, but, I figure they have cleaned up their products by now. That didn’t work out so well. I made it..hm..about twenty minutes into the flight before succumbing to my taste buds. Speaking of those taste buds. Why don’t we just start there. How do Aloha bars taste?
Do Aloha Protein Bars Taste Good?
Answer: sorta. Lol. Typical Allie. Giving the least decisive answers ever. It’s actually hilarious that someone as indecisive as me writes one of the top supplement review blogs in the world. I seriously give inconclusive answers over half the time. But. Keep in mind. Taste is subjective. And my taste is usually pretty on par with the masses. Long way of saying- these bars taste average. They don’t taste as good as Oatmega or Combat Crunch, and they are better than something like BPI’s ‘Best’ bar.
I had the chocolate chip peanut butter flavor Aloha Protein bar, and the overwhelming taste that hits you right off the bat is of peanut butter. Not REAL peanut butter, but that sort of ’supplement’ peanut butter taste. You know what I mean. It’s sort of stevia-ey, oily, and a little bit larger than life. You know it’s SUPPOSED to be peanut butter, so you tell yourself that it’s super peanut butter-y. But. Yeah. It’s just ‘ok’.
Texture-wise it’s not so different from Quest bars. It’s that dense, almost ‘clay-y’ texture with some variance with nuts (actually pumpkin seeds in this case), and then some chocolate chip bits. I don’t know if this was because mine was melted, but my ‘chocolate chips’ were just like…liquid-y little pockets of cocoa syrupy stuff. It tasted alright don’t get me wrong, but obviously I would prefer something that had more actual chocolate chip texture.
Overall the bar tastes ok. You’ll eat it and not be disappointed. You won’t tell your friends about it, and you might not buy it again, but it’s alright. Let’s see what’s in them nutritionally.
Are Aloha Protein Bars Healthy? And what’s in them?
Aloha is one of the more ‘healthy’ supplement companies I’ve reviewed on the site. I’m a fan of Aloha bar’s whole ‘no artificial’ shtick. Makes a girl feel all wholesome, yano?
But as with all the healthier stuff, there’s a tradeoff. That tradeoff usually comes in one or two main ways:
- Taste Compromises
- SUGAR Gains
But it tastes worse.
And it has more sugar.
So you get to decide where your true priorities lie. I think mine probably lie more on the side of taste, but I totally get the ‘Aloha’ state of mind. Artificial stuff probably isn’t that great for us. But then again neither is 12 grams of sugar, which is the amount in Aloha protein bars.
The main ingredients in Aloha Protein Bars are:
- Tapioca Syrup
- Pumpkin Seed Protein
- Pea Protein
- Dark Chocolate Nibs
- Acacia Gum
- Pumpkin Seeds
- Monk Fruit Stevia
This all adds up to a bar that weighs in at 270 calories- which is also on the higher side, relatively speaking.
The protein count is 18 grams, which is about 2 or 5 grams less than I would like it to be for 270 calories…but we’re nit-picking at this point.
The bar is relatively low in saturated fat, and the sodium count is manageable at 250mg. Again- my biggest beef with the macros is probably the sugars. 12 grams is a lot for me to squeeze into my macros. I’ll give Aloha bars an 8/10 on the overall nutrition side of things. So let’s talk packaging.
Aloha Packaging Is Good. Real Good.
Let me say that again. Aloha protein bars are packaged stunningly. Really the entire Aloha supplement brand looks fantastic. The products have beautiful fonts, stunning colors, and smart copy-writing to create a brand that is just overall appealing. I’ve actually been meaning to do an Aloha review for quite some time now, so I think I’ll move on to trying some of their protein powders next. Because I really had a decent experience with the protein bars so far.
The majority of these bars are the signature Aloha protein aqua-blue. It’s a simply brilliant shade of blue-green. It reinforces the ‘Aloha’ theme. It’s like you’re at a fancy Hawaiian health retreat, and a beautiful, tall, dark, handsome man with a chiseled jaw line and long, flowing hair strides over to you and extends his hands and… oh my. Control yourself Allie! LOL. And now I’m back. Sitting on this darn uncomfortable airplane seat. Sigh. Take me back to Hawaii! Lol. But. Yeah. Aloha bars look good. Let’s wrap this up so I can take more Advil.
Aloha Protein Bar Review Summary
- Aloha Bar flavor grade: 8/10
- Aloha Bar nutrition grade: 8/10
- Aloha Bar packaging grade: 9.5/10
- Aloha Bar value grade: 8.3/10
I don’t even remember what I paid for the Aloha bar, but if my memory serves me correct it was over 3 bucks- probably even closer to four. For the amount of enjoyment I got for my four bucks- I don’t think it was quite worth it when you take it all into account. Aloha is a bar that tastes average, has decent nutritional value, and looks fantastic. I won’t say it’s one of my top five protein bars, but it’s alright. Probably worth a try.*
Aloha Protein Bar Final Review Score: 8.4/10
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